How to prevent tantrums at bedtime - Guest Blog by Julia, Founder of Tantrum Fix!
Tantrums can be really exhausting. Tantrums at bedtime, the moment you’ve been waiting for after a long day running after toddler/s, are really, really tiring. Add up quarantine to the mix… and we got one of the most stressful moments a parent can endure.
The best way to deal with tantrums at bedtime is really to prevent them as much as you can.
Figuring out what triggers your little one, and anticipating their burst of emotions in advance will be your best tools.
Let’s walk through the main triggers:
Your child is scared of the dark
Your child feels lonely
Overly tired
Over Stimulated
Hungry
Overly Energetic
Now, let’s work on strategies to overcome each of these triggers. Observe your child, and apply the one you think is triggering your little one (or a few… or all…!).
For the child that is scared of the night
Your goal here is to address not only the actual darkness of your kid’s room, but also what he/she thinks is scary about it (monsters? Weird sounds?).
Toddlers’ imaginations can be very strong, leading to quite dramatic reactions to common sounds, smells, light, and of course… monsters.
Monsters don’t need to be scary. In fact, you can make monsters cute and fun for your child, by reading books about funny monsters or coming up with your own and making a game out of that.
Here is a good list of cute books to make monsters fun (all available on Amazon):
For the child that feels lonely at bedtime
The key here is to make bedtime 1) fun, 2) sweet and 3) reassuring. Reading a couple of books, rubbing your little one’s back, laying down with them for some extra cuddles should make bedtime a special moment they look forward to… rather than the worst part of their day (yes, toddlers can be quite dramatic!).
There are so many sweet books about bedtime, I’m sure you already have a few at home. My favorite is the Llama Llama Red Pajama, because it specifically addresses loneliness at bedtime and reassuring the baby Llama that Mama Llama is always near :)
For the little one that tantrums at bedtime because he/she is overtired
The best way to correct this is to push bedtime earlier. This is easier done gradually, by moving it 20, 30 minutes (or even just 15 minutes) earlier each day, by starting your bedtime routine earlier. Serve dinner earlier, start bathing your kids earlier and generally try to make the house darker and quieter. If you have older children in the house, ask them to cooperate by being quieter and even pretending they are all going to sleep, even if they aren’t. Toddlers have no concept of time… so if it appears it is bedtime… it probably is.
For the toddler that tantrums at nighttime because he/she is overstimulated
Overstimulation is one of the main reasons a toddler will burst into a tantrum - as they aren’t quite ready to self-regulate their emotions and their bodies just react to too many sounds, things happening around them, too many options, too much tv, etc.
A great way to help calm your little one down at bedtime is to dim the lights and listening to a a guided meditation made for young children (ideally short and sweet). You can either find a good one on Spotify/Youtube/Online or you can make your own, by setting up relaxing music (ocean waves, birds chirping, etc.) and teaching your little one how to take deep breaths and imagining the scene. Here are some great examples to try at home.
For the child that reacts to hunger by tantruming
Toddlers tend to prefer to snack all day, avoiding larger meals, or they are so picky that anything we offer them gets rejected. Pair that with a little toddler who isn’t quite ready to verbalize emotions (or who can’t identify hunger cues) and we get ourselves dealing with big tantrums, especially at bedtime.
If you serve dinner quite early, say about 2 hours before bedtime actually happens, offer a snack when you’re reading books, or when your little one is changing into PJs - you can make it into a part of the bedtime routine. Dinner-bath-PJs-Books-Brush Teeth-Cuddles (or the order you normally do).
For the overly energetic little one
A couple of things could be happening:
You need to shorten naps
You need to completely phase out naps
You need to add more physical movement to their day
This is especially evident when your child appears completely wide awake at night and shows absolutely no signs of being tired.
If you suspect it is time to phase out your child’s nap, try shortening it first, and then work on keeping them awake during the day. You can incorporate some quiet time (reading books, playing with puzzles) for about 30 minutes instead.
Try adding movement throughout the day, not just at bedtime (as this can be over stimulating… yikes!). A little bit in the morning, afternoon and maybe some more before dinner. Playing tag, racing, who can jump to the door on one foot, etc. They all love a little fun challenge :)
Wishing you all a good night of sleep!
Julia
Founder, Tantrum Fix